Monday, August 28, 2006

i received an email last friday on a scholarship to study in Japan for one year. I decide to apply it. I am well aware of the consquences.

I am well giving up a 3k job for one year, works out to be 36,000 for a year. Oh well, maybe not that much, but u should know what i am driving at. Also, if i got the scholarship and decide to go for it, i also postponing my no pay leave from Raffles Place. This means i am losing out one year of working experience.It's a tough choice.

There are several reasons why i think i should apply. It's really a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Japan. Fully sponsored. I have missed out chances of going for exchange during my undergrad days, thus this is my last shot of experiencing the outside world as a student.

It of course adds to my resume. Needless to say. I think the most important reason is this is one way that i can express my high risk tolerance. I always thought that i have low risk tolerance, taking the safe and trial and tested way of doing things. Not this time. All my peers would be joining the job market immediately after graduation, this is how i am differentiating myself. By trying to take a different route.

So, i have told one of my friend that i am hoping to go because i would like to see if opportunities present in Japan. I am not limiting myself to Singapore, no way. No one knows if opportunities would be available during my one year in Japan, and i am open to opportunities. Maybe i would find a gd job during my stay. No one knows, neither do i. I might if i give myself a chance to be there.

Wow, i sound so much like a modern cosmopolitan, which i think i am to some extent. See, who says a person with a getai alter ego cannot think beyond Singapore? I am such an interesting dude, isn't it? yeahz, probably it is this dual personality and conflicting thinking that makes me darn unique!

Shame on those ladies or guys who didn't take a fancy of me, you dunno what you have missed!



Sunday, August 27, 2006

Just came back from NBS DND 2006. I am drying my hair as i am writing this entry. Shall head to sleep once i chop chop finish this entry. It is hard to come to terms that this DND is my 2nd and probably the last one, it just seems like yesterday that i first came to NTU as an NBS freshie but now i am 2/3 finishing my uni education.

I have long decided that the DND would sort of be my "finale". In the sense that i should and will put my efforts in my final year of study, in the sense that i should put a rest to all the nonsense thoughts that i have for the past month. Fun and daydreaming has to come to an end somewhere and i know running at the same spot doesn't lead me to anywhere.

Or u can put things in this perspective. I am like a hermit crab who has ventured out this past few months. And it's probably time to return to my hermit shell because it is where i belong. I need to put my energy to do well in my final year and concentrate on finding a good job that i have interest in. Probably this is what i do best and not any other things else. I always think God is fair. If i dun get one thing in life, i have this belief that i would be compensated in another way. If my love life is fated to be a blank sheet, i believe God has arranged something else for me. It might not be the case, but it is probably keeping me hopefully up to this day.

Anything else should come to a rest. I dunno how i should do it but i shall do it and will do it. The person didn't appear today. I am glad but at the same time hoping to get a glimpse of that person. See, i am such a cheap fuck. Probably i think it's good, because it means i get to avoid awkardness and probably never see that person never again.

Tired. Shall blog again should i have the time.



Sunday, August 20, 2006

As influenced by the accounting courses that i am taking, i have realised the importance of disclosure. I am sure all my course mates knows all entities ought to disclose what investors should know. So, me as an entity myself, i have the obligation to make some disclosure without compromising any secrets.

Mun Keet's "Disclosure Notes"

What Mun Keet is not:

1) Notti babies lover
2) Hardworking person
3) Attached before
4) Rich
5) A happening person
6) Movie lover
7) A obidient boy with good habits
8) A person with good temper
9) A person who likes coffee

What Mun Keet is actually:

1) A Thai trapped in a Singaporean Body. Call me Keet Pong
2) A person with load of rubbish
3) Nua Sai
4) Loves Money
5) Listens Class 95
6) A sucker for retro. Square Rooms ( which leads to 7)
7) A old man trapped in a young boy's body
8) A superficial fucker.
9) Vainpot
10) Heartlander. No secret, judging from my wish to sing in getai
11) Loves to scold vulgarities
12) A social s@$#3r

Go figure 12 yourself. Need to be more discreet ok?

I hope my above disclosure has provided all of u a better insight of the operations of Lee Mun Keet. My disclosure is in accordance of requirements of the Disclosure Committee, set up by Lee Mun Keet



Monday, August 14, 2006

Just came back from watching getai at Yew Tee Market. It was a blast! I must say watching getai is really a highlight because it is rare sight these days and it is probably the only chance where one can hear dialect songs in Singapore.

Have i ever tell anyone of you that to be a part time getai singer is one of my wild dream? (The other is to release a Chinese New Year album!) Oh yeah, before you laugh your head off, i think it is damn cool, where one can get the 3 minutes of fame to the applause of the aunties and uncles.

Anyway, if i were to become a getai singer, i would need to master Hokkien very well. I tell you, Hokkien songs are the most popular among the aunties and uncles. Even what Jay Chou songs have to step aside. Of course, me being Mun Keet would sing those classic Hokkien songs. And i can confirm you Wu Nu would be my signature song. (Can sing to u if u request me to)

Can you imagine the life of being a part time getai singer? Imagine this. During the day, you would assume your professional work life; say an auditor or accountant. You would be negotiating or talking to clients in your power suit or long sleeves shirt, speaking in near prefect English. But, when the night falls, the clocks strikes 7, you need to excuse yourself and change into those glittering getai outfit(when i say the outfit glitters, it really does) and singing Hokkien songs and cracking lewd jokes with the emcee. Wow, i mean it is damn cool. This is literally living a double life. Can you imagine how shell shocked your colleagues would be if they were to realise this other side of you??

I seriously think i can excel in the getai fraternity. My friends all think so too. Me being so heartland in heart and proud of it, and my special liking for Hokkien songs and oldies. I am just a perfect fit for getai. I just need to work on my vocals and Hokkien and i all ready to become the 1st Getai Idol!



Saturday, August 12, 2006

I seriously dunno how am i supposed to feel now. One thing is for sure, i am moving much slower these days. Not physically, but in the past i was moving faster than time, but now i just think i am moving at a crawling rate. Indeed, i am trying my best to forget what is going on, because there isn't anything i can possibly do but to forget. As much as i try to forget and put my heart into things like textbooks and tutorials, i am well aware i am just trying to cover things up.

It is just like trying to pour sand into a pit-less hole. I can never be able to fill the entire hole because it is just an attempt to cover the whole thing up. It is actually hollow inside. But isn't the only possible thing i can??? I can only put my whole damn soul in my tutorials, or take some time to play tennis , watch some tennis on tv. I have to tell myself that this is what i should do, though deep inside, i am hoping there is going to be a change in the present situtation. But Unlikely.

How do i actually bring myself to tell my friends that i feel sucky presently? There is so much that they can say and i know that. Indeed i feel so much better with their presence and i thank them for that but they cannot be there for me all the time. And most importantly, they do not know the details and i dun intend to tell them, unless i really cannot take it anymore. They guess but all i can say, it isn't the way things are. I dun want them to change the impression of me, i want them to remember me as the nice and chirpy mun keet. Not mun keet with a dark side.

I know i am undergoing a rough patch. But knowing that i survived what happened 5 years gives me a glimpse of hope that i can get through this. It is just a matter of time. I know it and i hope.



Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Just came back from playing tennis with Hanting. I can't describe how much i love this sport. Have i ever mentioned that i enjoy playing tennis than being a high flyer banker or a NTU student?? If i ever have the chance to do tennis as my career, i would gladly do that. Ohh...i think too much.

Anyway, it was a tough session. I won 9-7, 8-6 in the end but it was not without me putting up with a fight. I tink i was on the verge of losing each set, probably i just hung in there. I was just pure lucky to edge Hanting in the 2 sets.

But i wasn't in my best form today for sure. I wasn't chasing the balls which i normally would. Many times i stood and watched the ball flew past me and moved on. I guess i didn't bring my fighting spirit onto the court or have i lost it? For one thing, i really dun want what i am feeling to affect my other aspects of life. If i do, i am really being unprofessional. Maybe i was, because i knew i had lapses of concentration several times when i was playing just now.

Despite this, i enjoyed the tennis very much. Kian Wee told me to go for a run or workout, cos most times it helps. Maybe, i dunno. I dun tink i managed to think less after the tennis but at least i feel tired and sleepy? Or is it the drowsy effects of the cough syrup?? I tink i need booze to feel better..haha..but i dun tink i would drown myself in booze anytime soon.



Sunday, August 06, 2006

I seriously think that a couple of days in hospital stay is pretty cool. I will probably need it when i have managed to cough some blood out. At the rate i am coughing, soon i think.Haha

Should we count our blessings? For one, i have almost everything. I am faring fine (i didn't say i am doing very well) in school, i do not have to worry if i can have my next meal or if i have a shelter over my head. I have a bunch of close friends whom i treat them as my own siblings. I have many close friends whom i can talk to and play with.

Then why the hell do i still feel unhappy? Maybe it's because human are greedy bunch of animals? I talked to Kian Wee the other day which he has talked about it in his entry. He was saying that he missed the freedom that he enjoyed when he was still single. I conjured all of us are never satisfied with we have now. We always think that grass is always greener on the other side of the field. For me, i do think that my life is pretty good now, but maybe it's the desire to have more that makes everything seems unimportant.

Probably life is fair in a way. We cannot have everything in life. U have A means B is out of question. So i do not lament that why i dun have things which i dun have. Indeed, there is quite a lot of things going in my life (Messy, trust me), no doubt i feel unhappy and unenergetic. People would ask me if i am okay, and i try to be carrying on with my normal life. I do not want my personal affairs to affect the people around me but sometimes i feel tired to keeping out with the false pretence.

I remember in Bangkok, i think all of us were shagged and my friends didn't appear to be in a good mood. At that point of time, i felt " why am i putting up this", "i am 100x more unhappy ". I tell u, tears almost welled up in my eyes. In a nutshell, i dunno what i want.

I realise when i am feeling under the weather, i like being at home, with my pillow in my hand. Serious, it is only at home, i feel protected and safe. Maybe i just want to hole up at home and escape the worldly affairs.

School's starting tml, i dunno if it is a good thing. Probably a gd thing, because it can keep my mind occupied and prevent my mind from drifting too far away.



Wednesday, August 02, 2006

Back from my much anticipated bangkok trip. It was a pleasant 5 day trip, at least i didn't think much of the shit i had in Singapore. Bought quite a lot of things and had a ball of a time with my mates. Shall devote an entry on my trip when i have figured out how to upload the pics.

Now that i am back home, i am back to reality ground zero once again. I have actually knew from the day i left for Bangkok that i could probably escape for 5 days and after that nothing much has changed. Probably I wanted just to deceive myself that everything would be fine after 5 days. In actual fact, it hasn't. Who am i trying to kid, myself or my friends around me?

I know it's in the mind, but it isn't that i have total control in. Once again, it's the feeling of helplessness, not being in control of what's going on in the mind. And the feeling of being floating around, just hoping time would pass smoothly without any nasty feeling. It's shit.

I had convinced myself in the past that i wouldn't have time for affairs of the heart, as i would be busy being a Raffles Place slave, jetting around countries to close deals or to spend my time working my way up the corporate ladder. I still believe i have what it takes to move up the corporate ladder but i realise i still have feelings too. So my wish to scarifice marriage or relationships in favour of a successful career doesn't really quite go the way that i want.

And it is very true that you do need someone beside you whom u can turn to. I think everyone needs someone around when one is feeling vulnerable and unhappy or to share happiness. Or someone to go with when all your friends are busy with one thing or another. Not even the strongest person can say they can do without relationship. Bullshit. In my own eyes, i am an independent and mentally strong young chap, but there are really times one needs someone to share my feelings.

And the worst thing to happen is know from the start is that how i feel is actually doomed from the beginning. No chance of anything to happen and it wasn't in my slightest hope that something would blossom cos it just would not. So the solution is simple yet hard. To adjust my own emotions. The idea is how to remove the thorn in my heart and move on. So the thing to do lies with myself,not the other person.

First telling sign that something is wrong. When you suddenly feel a tightness in ur chest and literally cannot breathe. And you have the strong urge to msg or call the person. Then u msg..and u feel relieved but yet feel lousy at the same time because you know the person doesn't want to talk to you or might be thinking of someone else. Would you feel cheap or someone without dignity? I do because the person is simply not interested and i am like doing an act to hard sell myself. I would imagined the other person thinking " Why is that cock still msging me? He is making a joke of himself". Damn, am i really cheapening myself and stoop to such a level? I know my friends cannot imagine me doing that. I myself can't too.

I have to remind myself that i have been through this before and i can survive this time as well. It will take a long time, so i am very afraid of having such emotions. It's like fighting an illness alone so it will be a painful and long battle. Probably a battle without many sleepless nights and days with self closure to the world.

I wish i am devoid of any emotions