Thursday, July 27, 2006

Yawnz...just woke up from a night of fun at Zouk. Finally had a night of dance without getting myself dead drunk. Basically it was quite fun except for a few areas. The happy part first.

Juniors Garnets had an outing yesterday, and for dunno what reason i tagged along. We had dinner at Maxwell Food Center, where we chatted and joked. Then we went a board game shop called Pitstop i think, where we played those games which cannot be found easily at Singapore's departmental stores. I have long heard about these board games shops which attracted hoards of youngsters and yesterday was the first time i stepped into one of those.

I feel it's quite a good experience where one can spend a day playing games with a few friends, as some of the games are really quite fun. Shall return one of these days with my friends to play more games.

After that, a couple of us went Zouk. It was a different experience i guess. It is the first time i clubbed with my uni friends as i normally have a fixed clubbing cliche. But in any case, crowd was good, clubbing khakis were great, music wise i would just give it 6/10.

Here comes the bad part. I was pung seh again. Well well, what's new. Hmphz. I wouldn't want to give names nor go into details. Come on, firstly i was being forgetten on the bus the other day, and yesterday this. For yesterday, i had pay more for my cab fare. It's not i cannot afford the cab fare, though i am turned off by the steep fare but it's the feeling.

It makes me question myself, not others. Am i such a turnoff or a lousy person? It is a very tough question to ask and equally tough to answer. I am not a person who likes to live in self deception so i have to give myself a reality check every now and then. For one thing, i think i am a nice person. I always try to be the best and true to everyone around me but it might not be as pleasing to other people.

Sometimes i do feel upset because i appear to be a crap person and nothing else. Indeed, i am a person full of crap shit. All the crazy shits that i do, i enjoy it and i laugh it off. But it seems to me that people think i dun need anything else. It seems to me that people doesn't know that i do feel unhappy, sad when i get bullied or even angry when i feel unjustified.

Normally i do not feel anything for this kind of thing because i do not want people's action to affect me. But when i am subjected to shit repetitively, sometimes my wall of defence just crumble and need some time to repair my defence wall again.

They told me we are family. Isn't family supposed to protect me from harm? haha. Family? Fine, only when you all change your surname to LEE, then we can talk.

I woud be up again because i would be going to Bangkok. Yes, i am looking forward to be happy and repair my wall. No shit for 5 days