Sunday, August 06, 2006

I seriously think that a couple of days in hospital stay is pretty cool. I will probably need it when i have managed to cough some blood out. At the rate i am coughing, soon i think.Haha

Should we count our blessings? For one, i have almost everything. I am faring fine (i didn't say i am doing very well) in school, i do not have to worry if i can have my next meal or if i have a shelter over my head. I have a bunch of close friends whom i treat them as my own siblings. I have many close friends whom i can talk to and play with.

Then why the hell do i still feel unhappy? Maybe it's because human are greedy bunch of animals? I talked to Kian Wee the other day which he has talked about it in his entry. He was saying that he missed the freedom that he enjoyed when he was still single. I conjured all of us are never satisfied with we have now. We always think that grass is always greener on the other side of the field. For me, i do think that my life is pretty good now, but maybe it's the desire to have more that makes everything seems unimportant.

Probably life is fair in a way. We cannot have everything in life. U have A means B is out of question. So i do not lament that why i dun have things which i dun have. Indeed, there is quite a lot of things going in my life (Messy, trust me), no doubt i feel unhappy and unenergetic. People would ask me if i am okay, and i try to be carrying on with my normal life. I do not want my personal affairs to affect the people around me but sometimes i feel tired to keeping out with the false pretence.

I remember in Bangkok, i think all of us were shagged and my friends didn't appear to be in a good mood. At that point of time, i felt " why am i putting up this", "i am 100x more unhappy ". I tell u, tears almost welled up in my eyes. In a nutshell, i dunno what i want.

I realise when i am feeling under the weather, i like being at home, with my pillow in my hand. Serious, it is only at home, i feel protected and safe. Maybe i just want to hole up at home and escape the worldly affairs.

School's starting tml, i dunno if it is a good thing. Probably a gd thing, because it can keep my mind occupied and prevent my mind from drifting too far away.