Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Shitty, stressed is what i am feeling right now

First up: I fared poorly for my 206 quiz. I didn't failed but compared to the rest, my lousiness just magnifies. I knew i didn't do well after the quiz, today was just a confirmation.

Tonnes of things just piled up. Next week there is a 306 quiz(again) which i am damn unsure of plus a 306 presentation which i need to spend a lot of time on.

Rubbing salt into my wounds, i need to revamp my 206 report and there is the financial modelling project due soon.

Stress is still fine when efforts are paid off. When it is not, it is just pure shit.

I am just pure angry. Angry at myself and no one else. I am angry for being so incompetent, for being not smart. People say i expect too much from myself, putting myself under stress. Probably, but it's how i function. So i can't blame other people, but myself when i fail. On one hand, i think i cannot make it, that i am lousier than the rest. On the other hand, i want to believe that i am good.

If i am on court right now, i would probably have broken 2 tennis racquets. I am serious. I spare people from my temper, but not non living things.

The situation is like this right now: I have lost the first set of the match and i need to win the second set to stay alive. Rule is simple, win or risk being eliminated. That's how i see it.

I maybe unsure if i am better than the rest or smarter than the rest. But i am very sure of one thing about myself. My fighting spirit cannot be undermined. I simply dun give up until i have lost completely. The current situation just ignites my fighting spirit to be stronger. This is one point i like about myself and how i need to stay alive.

I may have lost a set, feeling frustrated and down, broken 2 racquets. I need to smack my thighs 2 times and still believe that i can win.

Just watch how i am going to turn the situation around and win the match.